Friday, July 27, 2012

Pixel News: July 27, 2012

Pixel News: July 27, 2012
Get the day's video game news while you wait during a loading screen
Written by Philip

Months after its release, Skyrim is finally to get a patch for the PS3. Bethesda’s latest work has been borderline unplayable on the Bluray system due to bugs and could crash and even destroy games. Bethesda sent out a video to explain why they hate PS3 fans so much, but it froze half way through and now I have to go reset breaker to get power back on in the house.

Gran Turismo producer Kazunori Yamauchi was interviewed in China about Gran Turismo 6 and the potential for Gran Turismo Vita. He said, “Despite the popular demand and GT being the most successful Sony franchise of all time, there are no plans for Gran Turismo Vita because much like the Presidents of Sony, we are deathly allergic to money.” His translator then had to cut the interview short when Kazunori started having sneeze attacks because he saw someone across the room insert a dollar into a vending machine.

EA CEO John Riccitiello will keep his position, and Peter Moore will not be taking his place as previously rumored. It turns out that in our upside down world of ours everything has an opposite, and instead of an allergy, John actually eats money to survive. Peter Moore will retain his current job of liquefying quarters to then be pumped into Riccitiello through an IV.   

Further proof that no game making company is safe, layoffs at WB Seattle have happened for the 3rd time in 2 years. Snowblind and Monolith are the losing companies this year despite having made major titles such as FEAR, FEAR 2, and Lord of the Rings: War in the North. WB held a press conference to explain the reason for more layoffs. “We sadly have to let more of our staff go today,” said the spokesman who was then fired mid-speech.  

Sony HAS announced that Sony WILL announce two new games at Gamescon next month. While the first could be for either PS3 or Vita, the second has been confirmed to be a PS Move game. I would now like to announce that I am going to announce, that all announcements of Move games should be left to be announced to those who care about announcements for things like Stuart Little 3 which is coming straight to a DVD player near you this holiday season.

Xbox Live is getting it’s 418th makeover with all sorts of new gizmos like apps and Internet Explorer. Sign ups for beta testing is under way. At the end of the trial users are then asked to take a 5 minute survey. They are common questions we all want to ask Xbox users like, “How does it feel to be a perpetual beta tester?” and “How do you feel paying $50 annually to use Internet Explorer on your Xbox which has been free to anyone WITHOUT an Xbox for the last 21 years and is still awful?”

Square Enix’s Final Fantasy XIV version 2.0 is actually being renamed REALM REBORN!!!!!!!!!1 It’s going to be sooo cool with NEW BATTLE SYSTEMS and OMFG it’s got, it’s got NEW CLIENT SOFTWARE!!!!!! And….. and…. I’m sorry ..I, I can’t do this. I couldn’t give a chocobo’s duke about this game. 

A demo for Transformers: Fall of Cybertron hits XBLA and PSN July 31st with two campaign missions as well as multiplayer. There will also be another mode included where you get to Skype live with real weeping Nintendo Wii owners and ask them how they’re enjoying Epic Mickey… in Optimus Prime’s voice.

Sniper Ghost Warrior 2 delayed to January 2013, stating that the sequel has been pushed back “in order to give the team more time to polish the title.” (Insert poop polishing joke and/or literal polishing of the game’s title joke here.)

End of 1st quarter financials show Nintendo is already in the hole to the tune of $220.4 million despite selling 162% more 3DS’s than last year’s 1st quarter. Selling their newest console at a loss just goes to show that Nintendo will stop at nothing to beat Sony and win the handheld race. But much like the winners of dog shows, everyone’s a loser.

We hope to make this a continuous article. Let us know if you liked it at or tweet @linkalefty.

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